Toxic Relations
Goodbye 2020 and Welcome 2021! What do you hope to gain in the new year? What do you wish to leave in 2020? As we all know, 2020 has been a challenging year. We’ve witnessed those we love become ill and lost many loved ones. We had to adapt to a new system. Work, school, family, friends, relationships, etc., changed. We changed. We all had to learn how to adapt to survive, but that’s who we are. We are survivors and resilient human beings. This year, we all learned how to cope in different ways, but in some way we’ve learned to lean on one another, support each other, and stand united.
We realized who and what was important. This year has been a rollercoaster of emotions since the very beginning of January. Looking back at 2020, I can say I am grateful and blessed for every memory I created with no regrets. This year I grew and became more intuitive of who I am and what I want. Through life hardships, I continued to stay motivated by appreciating my education, grateful for my family, and in awe of my close friends who frequently check-in and keep me sane. In life, you never realize who you have until you need someone. You also never truly realize someone is toxic until you take a break from them.
Sometimes the closest people to you are the ones who hold you back the most. They keep you from exploring or taking opportunities. It can be someone you know or simply yourself, holding you back. I challenge you to remove any toxic element in your life to grow, live a healthier life, and free yourself from anything getting in your way. It won’t be easy, especially if it’s a person close to you. The people we encounter and have in our lives can either be a lesson or a blessing. Those in your life who are considered toxic for you doesn’t mean they’re a terrible person, it just means they’re not good for you. Learning to let go can be one of the hardest things to do, but possibly the most necessary thing to do. Someone toxic in your life may be the biggest blessing for someone else. Learn to let go and start putting yourself first. Some people aren’t meant to stay in your life forever, and that is okay.
How to find out if someone’s toxic for you:
If someone invalidates what you feel, think, want to do/be.
Always compare their hardships with yours.
Repeatedly victimize themselves and controls you with guilt.
One-sided: You’re reliable and always supportive, but the other is not.
Constant jealousy and comparison.
If you dread spending time with them.
They say constant white lies.
If your mood declines and changes from your encounter.
Sometimes we don’t realize when someone is harming us, especially when we’ve created so many incredible memories. At some point, when you find yourself dreading spending time with the person, always feel drained after meeting, or feel belittled while with them, it’s time to give yourself space. Specifically, when a friendship or relationship doesn’t satisfy your needs but primarily focuses on theirs. In that case, you may want to take a step back and ask yourself if you are benefiting from this relationship. Everything in life is a give and take, not all the time, but it’s not always the other person “take, take, take” where they leave you nothing else to give. When you need to vent or share your day, stress from school, work, family, etc., you should feel welcomed to do so, not stopped or told not to share because it interferes with how they’ll think of themselves. Your hardships should not be compared because neither problem should be ignored or invalidated. How you feel is valid, what you are going through is hard, and those in your life should understand you and want to hear you out. Surround yourself with people who are genuinely concerned with your mental, emotional, and physical health. People who care about you take the time to check-in, genuinely want the best for you, and show up. They not only watch you at your lowest but support you at your highest. Remember, it’s okay to let go and move forward. You can wish the best for someone but not want them to be a part of your life at the same time.
“Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.”
-Albert Einstein
