Accountability
One of the hardest things to do is to take accountability for your actions. The problem isn't accepting what we did wrong; it's the process of acknowledging how we hurt others by the consequences that negatively affected them. We don't want to be the reason why. We try to avoid, ignore, and justify why we chose to do or say something, so we don't have to feel guilty. Guilt is a powerful emotion. If you've ever been in a situation where you felt guilty of how something may have impacted someone's life, the way it made them think, react, or anything you may have caused. Then you know that feeling of regret, disappointment, and simply just wrong about the situation. If you're stuck on this feeling of guilt, keep yourself accountable. Accept what you did, take responsibility for your involvement to be able to move forward. The problem with guilt is that it lingers, and you carry it around everywhere. Please don't allow yourself to be unaccountable for your actions, learn from it and better yourself. You have the power to grow and evolve. You may have heard this before, but your past mistakes do not define you. As humans, we are constantly changing and evolving… hopefully for the better. Although we may have said or done things in the past, we have the ability to learn and grow. We are not the same individuals 5, 10, or even for some, a year ago.
I have family members who are stubborn and don't like to be wrong and others who enjoy guilt-tripping people to avoid being wrong. It's hard communicating when people aren't ready to admit or accept fault, but here are some things you can do to help facilitate those conversations and how you can stay accountable for yourself.
Tips:
Accountability for yourself:
Ask yourself first if you've been clear with expectations, goals and if there was any lack of communication on your end
Avoid justifying your actions, don't make excuses, and accept what you did/said
Avoid the blame game; shifting guilt or blame doesn't help any situation
Be honest with yourself and others
Ask for honest feedback from a trusted person
Facilitating accountability when others can't:
Discuss what the situation is and how each other understands what happened
Establish a mutual goal and expectation of what you and the other person want to achieve
Ask how you can help facilitate communication better than blaming and judging what they did/said wrong
Create solutions together and keep each other accountable by checking in
Suppose you're someone who has a hard time accepting fault and becomes easily defensive when people point out your mistakes or how your actions negatively affected others. Try to listen, understand what they have to say, and feel because what they feel is valid. What you feel is also reasonable and do not have to compensate your feelings for someone else either. We can not control how others feel, but we can control how we react to those emotions. As we accept how our actions affect others, we enter a new discussion and conversation of how one was affected. Accept your part and have a conversation instead of an argument or what most like to do, play the blame game. So often, when we become defensive, we shift blame, create explanations to justify ourselves, and invalidate the feelings of others. When we are accountable for ourselves, we learn how to listen, become intuitive, and enhance our communication skills. It's not easy.. especially if you're someone who doesn't like being wrong or feeling guilty about a situation. Ego and pride can interfere, but recognizing it, is the first step.
“Responsibility is accepting that you are the cause and the solution of the matter” -Unknown