Accountability
One of the hardest things to do is to take accountability for your actions. The problem isn't accepting what we did wrong; it's the process of acknowledging how we hurt others by the consequences that negatively affected them. We don't want to be the reason why. We try to avoid, ignore, and justify why we chose to do or say something, so we don't have to feel guilty. Guilt is a powerful emotion. If you've ever been in a situation where you felt guilty of how something may have impacted someone's life, the way it made them think, react, or anything you may have caused. Then you know that feeling of regret, disappointment, and simply just wrong about the situation. If you're stuck on this feeling of guilt, keep yourself accountable. Accept what you did, take responsibility for your involvement to be able to move forward. The problem with guilt is that it lingers, and you carry it around everywhere. Please don't allow yourself to be unaccountable for your actions, learn from it and better yourself. You have the power to grow and evolve. You may have heard this before, but your past mistakes do not define you. As humans, we are constantly changing and evolving… hopefully for the better. Although we may have said or done things in the past, we have the ability to learn and grow. We are not the same individuals 5, 10, or even for some, a year ago.
I have family members who are stubborn and don't like to be wrong and others who enjoy guilt-tripping people to avoid being wrong. It's hard communicating when people aren't ready to admit or accept fault, but here are some things you can do to help facilitate those conversations and how you can stay accountable for yourself.
Tips:
Accountability for yourself:
Ask yourself first if you've been clear with expectations, goals and if there was any lack of communication on your end
Avoid justifying your actions, don't make excuses, and accept what you did/said
Avoid the blame game; shifting guilt or blame doesn't help any situation
Be honest with yourself and others
Ask for honest feedback from a trusted person
Facilitating accountability when others can't:
Discuss what the situation is and how each other understands what happened
Establish a mutual goal and expectation of what you and the other person want to achieve
Ask how you can help facilitate communication better than blaming and judging what they did/said wrong
Create solutions together and keep each other accountable by checking in
Suppose you're someone who has a hard time accepting fault and becomes easily defensive when people point out your mistakes or how your actions negatively affected others. Try to listen, understand what they have to say, and feel because what they feel is valid. What you feel is also reasonable and do not have to compensate your feelings for someone else either. We can not control how others feel, but we can control how we react to those emotions. As we accept how our actions affect others, we enter a new discussion and conversation of how one was affected. Accept your part and have a conversation instead of an argument or what most like to do, play the blame game. So often, when we become defensive, we shift blame, create explanations to justify ourselves, and invalidate the feelings of others. When we are accountable for ourselves, we learn how to listen, become intuitive, and enhance our communication skills. It's not easy.. especially if you're someone who doesn't like being wrong or feeling guilty about a situation. Ego and pride can interfere, but recognizing it, is the first step.
“Responsibility is accepting that you are the cause and the solution of the matter” -Unknown
Self-Awareness
Have you ever felt frustration, jealousy, excitement, or even a sense of numbness? If you’re human, then the answer is, yes. The question of when you feel any of those emotions, varies on you. Your personal perception of any situation, event, or occurrence is how you self consciously choose to respond. Throughout our lives, we have endured numerous of emotions. I know I have, more than I would like to, but this isn’t about my feelings and what I’ve felt throughout my life. This is about learning how we can become self intuitive to what we are feeling, why we have those feelings, and how we can control our behaviors and actions during those emotions. To remain in control of our actions, we need to be aware of ourselves. Specifically, a self-aware individual can choose to workout during the night instead of the morning because they are aware of when they perform at their optimal level. Self-awareness can be a guide of who we are and what we stand by: values, standards, characteristics, and ethics. Self-awareness is how we portray and see ourselves through personal needs, desires, and character.
Strategy:
When you have time, I advice you to have a journal near you and write down your thoughts, feelings, goals, plans, and anything that may come to mind no matter how random it may seem. It can be anything from what you have to do, where you plan on going, who you want to meet and etc. When you’re done, I want you to ask yourself for each item you’ve written, the 3 why’s. The 3 why’s allow you to learn more about yourself by building your awareness through your reason and your thoughts. Please see one of my thoughts to get a clearer understanding:
My Family
Why? My family is everything to me, I wouldn’t be where or who I am without any of them.
Why? They’ve created a powerful foundation of reliable support and unconditional love throughout my life.
Why? Their encouragement and belief has given me the confidence I need to pursue my goals. My victories and my accomplishments aren’t just mine, they’re my families too.
Recognize your thoughts and feelings, try to ask yourself many questions and learn more about why you feel the way you do. Try asking yourself a lot of “why” questions after answering. The purpose of this exercise is to help find your inner ‘why’. Push yourself into thinking and digging deeper as to why you had certain thoughts. You can feel vulnerable and even defensive, as there may be some things you attempt to disregard. You learn more about the cause of your feelings, you recognize the effects it has on your behavior and understand why you respond in a certain manner. You remain in control of YOU, you build inner resilience through facing your true thoughts no matter how difficult it may be. Learning to be self-aware takes time and isn’t always easy. Remember to be flexible, patient, and understanding with yourself. Accept your thought process as it’s leading you to discover the real you.